Life in a Coffee Shop

As some of you might know, one of my 2 jobs is working as a Barista in a franchise cafe located in a busy Shopping Center. I’ve been making coffee for about 3 years now and really enjoy it. It’s not only my job, but also my hobbie, although I hate it whenever we are super busy 😉 I’m glad I got taught by experienced people who paid attention to the quality and were onto me whenever my coffee wasn’t quite right or they noticed I wasn’t giving it my best. Nowadays I am the one helping out others and making sure that they know what is important when they make coffee.

We are a cafe that specializes in cakes. We have a nice selection of different kinds of cake you can buy from the store every day and we also do personalized cakes for Birthdays, etc. We do offer Breakfast items, but nothing fancy. We can get you a Banana Bread & Raisin Toast or even a Croissant or Toastie, but we don’t employ a chef. We also do have Pies, Sausage Rolls, etc. Yes, Australians love their Pies^^

We have lots of really nice customers, a lot of them come every day and are super friendly & happy people. It’s cool if you see them coming and already know what they want to order.

But on the other hand.. I didn’t expect the amount of rude & obnoxious people we encounter.

I want to give you the best product I can, you pay for it. And I get paid to be friendly and attentive. So why can’t you do the same?

There are a couple of things that annoy a Barista or a Sales Assistant.

Dear rude customer…..

• Please don’t ask me if I am already making coffee when there is still a cover over the coffee machine. Obviously, I am not ready and I don’t like getting pushed! Also, we are not open, as you can see if you look at the sign.
• Please don’t mumble your order and then complain when I double-check & repeat it.
• Please don’t THROW money at us
• Please stop questioning our prices. We can’t change them, obviously and won’t do it just because you don’t like them. And please don’t throw tomato sauce at us, it’s not our fault it costs 20cent extra! (yes, that happened!)
• Please don’t let us guess your order or get upset if we ask questions to get more details out of you. You can’t believe how often this happens:

Deezee( me^^): Good morning, how are you?

Customer: Coffee!

Deezee: … Okay. Which coffee would you like? Is it to have here or Take-Away?

Customer: (slightly louder): A COFFEE!

Deezee: ……..

It’s not that we don’t have all types of coffee, sizes and prices right in front of you.. I can’t read your mind and don’t have time to argue in the morning, as there are lots of people lining up behind you already, so just tell me what you want, it’s easy.

• Please don’t lie to us. If I tell you we don’t sell Scones and never did, don’t insist that you bought them here last week. Also, I don’t care if you “didn’t get the Eclair you paid for here yesterday and want a new one”. There’s no evidence and why on earth did you not come back for it straight after? If it happened at all! (This did really happen, a guy tried it a couple of times)
• Please don’t put your toddler on the counter and don’t touch product that you don’t want to buy. Yes, I need to tell people that sometimes. It’s very awkward because it should be common sense!!
• Please don’t give me your rubbish or leave it on the counter – there are bins everywhere
• Please don’t pay for your 3$ coffee with a 100$ note. Especially in the morning when I don’t have that much change yet anyways.
• Please step up to the register if you want to place an order and don’t stand behind the sign or somewhere in a corner and complain why you aren’t getting served. It’s not our job to look for customers who play hide & seek
• Please don’t say ‘I want THIS’ and point at the whole cake cabinet or pie oven
• Don’t tell me how to do my job.. like ‘You have to stir it or the sugar won’t mix!’ OH REALLY! Thank you for your kind help, I wouldn’t know what to do otherwise!
• Please believe me, if I tell you, that your ‘cappuccino without chocolate and froth’ you ordered is actually called a Flat White.

As a Barista, there are a lot of things that make my job easier or harder… What I really can’t stand is…..

• when I have 1 order, 4 coffees, 4 different kinds of milk! I mean, it’s not forbidden and we offer it, but it takes so long!
• when customers expect me to bring their take away coffee out to them. I call it out, like most places do. You are walking off with it anyways.
• People who don’t listen to what I call out and either don’t come back for their coffee until it’s been sitting there for a while (and complain that it’s cold!) or take someone else’s coffee (which results in complaints as well!)
• when someone asks for Coconut milk and is upset when we don’t have it. Lactose Free and Soy is enough, isn’t it?
• ‘Please don’t make it too hot… but also not too warm’ doesn’t help me at all.

Time to confess a few things…..

• It’s not healthier to order a coffee with SKINNY milk if you add caramel syrup & 3 sugars
• If you order a three-quarter strength coffee, I make it full strength
• If I make your coffee extra hot on request and you complain about it still not being hot enough, I will burn the everloving shit out of it next time
• If you are on your phone I will not serve you
• I make every kind of coffee you want but I die a little inside every time someone orders a quarter strength decaf cappuccino with lactose free milk and 1,75 equals

The weirdest orders I ever got?

• a Long Black with butter
• a small mocha with 7 sugars
• ‘please make it 100 Degrees hot’

Some quotes

Customer: I want a Tai Chi

We don’t sell that! But I make you a Chai Tea instead?

Customer: A soy cappuccino with normal milk, please.

Ah, good to know, I almost made it with the un-normal milk.

Customer: I’ll have a soy cappuccino please

Deezee: What size?

Customer: Soy! SOY!!

Customer: A soy latte please

Deezee: Thank you, what size please?

Customer: Large. And soy!

Deezee: Ok. Would you like to have it here or to take away?

Customer: Take away. And Soy!!

There’s something about soy people…..

Customer: I’ll have a small latte

Deezee: To have here or take away?

Customer: Yes!

Customer: A cappuccino to have here please

Deezee: What size?

Customer: Peter